Missionary Positions

Three nuns and a rabbi were chosen as delegates to a newly discovered human-like species on a fairly distant planet. This, of course, meant that Sisters Christina, Angelica and Mary Margaret, and Rabbi Daniel had to first endure a long space voyage. After landing on planet, they spent many Earth months ministering to the sick, the poor, the spiritually questioning, to great acclaim. Their mission was marvelously successful.

As it turned out, the humanoid people of this planet were all female. The result of their unique biological evolution was that they reproduced by a complicated and private ritual, highly intimate and enjoyable, which resulted in each member of the mating couple becoming pregnant with biologically identical fetuses.

Thus the natives had no surprise or concern when two of the nuns started showing evidence of pregnancy. Rather, they were more inclined to take the human women into their social network, especially showing regard to Sister Christina, who was not currently blessed.

As time and circumstances progressed, Rabbi Daniel realized that he had better contact Mission Control back on Earth and apprize those in charge of the emerging unanticipated developments. He went to the ship and made use of the interplanetary communications gear installed there to call home, with some trepidation about the likely response.

“Well, it’s like this,” he started, “Sisters Angelica and Mary Margaret are about to become mothers, and Sister Christina has asked to be allowed to stay here and make a permanent ministry.” Having gotten this all out at once, he wiped copious sweat from his brow, and waited for:

“Mothers? Have they gone native? Is there hanky-panky going on with these people you were sent to start negotiations with?”

“No, no,” Rabbi Daniel assured them, “nothing like that.”

“Make your report, Rabbi. Just what has been going on there?”

“Well, as you know the sisters and I had to endure a rather long voyage.

As you know, we Rabbis are not required to be celibate. As you may know, our training involves learning much of logic and persuasive argument.”

“Are you saying what I think you are, Rabbi? Did you seduce the nuns during the voyage out? And what about Sister Christina? Is it that she is so pious you could not persuade her to break her vows? Does this have something to do with why she wants to create a permanent mission on the planet?”

“Well, in a way. You see I was able, over time, to persuade Sisters Angelica and Mary Margaret to cheat on Jesus, but Sister Christina is consecrated to the Holy Mother Mary, if you get my meaning.”

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